THE EPHERGENT ZINE
!!!REALITY OPTIONAL - TRUTH INEVITABLE!!!
WELCOME TO THE EDGE OF REASON! The Ephergent Zine materialized during a REALITY TEAR EVENT that ripped three Corporate Corp employees from their mundane lives into interdimensional journalism! We're not just another underground publication; we're a REALITY STABILIZATION MECHANISM disguised as journalism! Our correspondents risk dimensional collapse to bring you stories saturated with Crystallized Laughter (CLX)—because sometimes, the cosmic joke is the only thing holding the multiverse together.
Every issue hand-assembled, reality-stapled (thanks, Clive), and passed through dimensional tears by readers like YOU!
OUR ORIGIN STORY
Before the reality tear, we were just three Corporate Corp drones in the Department of Reality Maintenance (DRM). Piper (now Pixel Paradox) was filing her 47th report on "Interdimensional Paperclip Variance," A1 was remotely brewing personalized espresso while analyzing productivity metrics, and Clive was enduring another morning of Corporate Corp's mandatory fun drills.
Then reality HICCUPPED. A massive tear split the Corporate Corp break room, pulling us into the spaces between dimensions. When the chaos settled, we'd transformed—and couldn't return. So we founded THE EPHERGENT ZINE to document our journey and expose the absurdities we'd discovered!
Corporate Corp still exists across dimensions. We keep running into their reality-bending bureaucracy! -Pixel
THE CREW
PIXEL PARADOX: That's ME! Ex-Corporate Corp data analyst who questioned absurd metrics until reality tore me loose! Now I can see through dimensional walls with my electric blue hair (w/ neon green highlights). When I'm not writing, I'm dodging reality ripples or bargaining with telepathic houseplants for inside info.
A1: My quantum-espresso assistant who used to be Corporate Corp's work-from-home AI coffee machine! Now manifests as holograms through my gear while stabilizing reality and brewing coffee that shows YOUR FUTURE in the foam art. Still bitter about that "work from home" policy paradox.
CLIVE:My bright orange sentient stapler, an improbably and Underworld Informant in Prime Material. Provides gritty, noir-style intel via coded staple patterns and subtle movements only I can interpret.
EDITORIAL MANIFESTO
Unlike CORPORATE dimensional media (looking at you, Corporate Corp!), we REFUSE to report on reality as fixed! Our journalists follow these rules or GET SENT TO COVER THE QUANTUM GARBAGE DIMENSION:
✓ Facts verified across 3+ dimensions (impossible events require 2+ witnesses)
✓ Sources must exist in multiple timelines (or have REALLY GOOD stories)
✓ We accept CLX chips as payment (dimensional banking is RIGGED!)
✓ Reality glitches reported with DEADLY seriousness (but also laughter because... survival)
ZERO tolerance for chronological snobbery or dimensional prejudice
P.S. telepathic houseplants have editorial independence! -PP
FOUND A REALITY GLITCH?
Neural-sync: cortex-feed@ephergent.dim
Telepathic hotline: Broadcast on frequency Theta-Zero-Nine
Physical drop point: The abandoned quantum observatory, Sector 7, behind the sentient cloud embassy (Check local gravity forecast first!)
REALITY WARNING: Contacting us during temporal anomalies may result in getting our response BEFORE you send your message. We'll try not to spoil your own questions!
*** REMEMBER: SHARING THIS ZINE MAY CAUSE MINOR REALITY FLUCTUATIONS ***
(That's how you know it's working!)